As a Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40, I conducted a survey and asked women to tell me their biggest dating challenge as a woman in her 40s, 50s and beyond. You are merely a victim of nasty and sad circumstance, rather than a strong, smart woman in charge of her life. Quickly dismissing men is most often about self-protection and reliving past experiences in the present.
The idea that there aren’t any quality men is a myth. Why do you hold on to this as if it were truth; like it’s a reality of life that you must endure?
It’s about attracting men, understanding men, and making them want to stick around forever and ever. As to where you meet men, yes, there’s one place that’s more effective in making introductions than 100 visits to Whole Foods and Art History class combined.
So if it’s not already abundantly clear, dating advice is not about WHERE to meet men.
I am 44 years old and entering the dating scene again for the first time in 25 years. I am not doing the online singles sites…that is just scary to me. I am new in town, with a few happily married friends. So much of my time was taken up with caring for someone else that now I just don’t know how to fill that time. Thanks for highlighting an important principle for women over 40 seeking love: You will not find it unless you do something differently. It’s called Match.com, it’s open 24 hours a day, and it costs a lot less than getting on a plane and hoping to sit next to a 45-year-old eligible bachelor.
I have four grown who are trying to set me up (I love them, but what a nightmare!! I highly suggest you get over your fear of online dating, not because it’s perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but because it’s ubiquitous and effective in creating opportunity.
I tell each one the same exact thing: “If you’re dating a few men right now and can guarantee me that you’ll have at least one date a week for the duration of our time together, we can start coaching.
So what’s the thing about dating that bothers you most? All the good ones are taken…check this out: If you live anywhere near a major metro area, and are looking for a man over 40, 5’8” or taller, college educated, non-smoking, making a higher than median income…statistics say that there are over 2000 of these guys within 20 miles of you looking for love online. As long as you let yourself believe that your lack of connection with a good man is about T-H-E-M…then you don’t have to take responsibility. DO NOT tell me that in the first 10 minutes of meeting a man you can know that he is a potential suitor or life partner. Quick judgments are often more about you than the man sitting in front of you.
I did it for about 30 years and I experienced all the hurt, confusion, frustration, hopelessness, boredom, and exhaustion that comes with it. There are about 45 million single men over the age of 35 in the United States, about 7 million in Britain and 2 million in Australia. And before you say…but, Bobbi, these aren’t quality men. If you’re like I used to be as a single gal, it’s because it gives you permission to stay the same and stay single. Unless he spits when he talks, smells, or is drunk; give him a chance.
Yours will too.) Here are your action steps: • Write your list of qualities, values, and behaviors that attract you and that you expect in a man with whom you spend time.
• Review your list and decide: does this man exist?